A promise has no value unless it is kept

How often do we make promises to people with all the best intention of keeping them?  I would think very often.  We issue "You can count on me", "I'll be there for you", "You can call me any time", "I pray for you", etc.etc.  I know that I say these things very often and usually do mean well.  However, as in all cases, I needed an eye-opener to show me how shallow and casual my promises were/are.

My first working day ever was 7 years ago when I joined Bosch.  Having come from Germany, I knew how renowned the company was and I was literally in awe of having been selected to work in this place.  The first day was quite ok and I did not have to do much other than getting the joining formalities done as well as meeting the team.  The next day started very early.  Bosch-Bangalore has a very admirable tradition of providing breakfasts for employees who want to start early.  As a bachelor, this proved to be very convenient for me, and I reached office in time to avail myself of this opportunity.  I entered the canteen, got my food and then had no idea how to proceed.  Most of the tables were already occupied with people who apparently knew each other already; and this being my first day (at breakfast!), I was too timid to approach anyone.  Just when I thought I better wait till a table got free, I saw one solitary lady having breakfast, whom I vaguely remembered being part of my team that I got introduced to the day before.  I had no idea of her name, but I was confident she would remember me as the 'newcomer'.  I introduced myself and asked if I could join her and she warmly welcomed me to sit down with her.  Her name is 'Sowmya'.  

Over the past 7 years, Sowmya has become one of my closest friends in the city.  We could stay out of contact for months at a stretch but could then get back together as if we had been meeting on a daily basis.  She is the kind of friend with whom I can discuss anything.  And she would do, too.  I doubt it that I have ever spoken so frankly and openly to any 'girl' friend of mine, ever!  We would go for movies together, and apparently, I was one approved person by her husband to take her out for any movies whenever she wanted.  On top of it all, she, too, was a German speaking person and we could converse and gossip about others in public without anyone knowing who or what we were talking about!

But then, she got sick.  Couple of years ago she was diagnosed with cancer.  She had operations, chemo-therapy and what not.  She lost her hair, she felt even sicker and this continued.  However, not even once have I seen her depressed.  She would be in pain, she would be irritated, she would have problems with her vision or diet or with something or the other; we would still joke around when we spoke.  She learned yoga to make herself mentally stronger...she did all she could to fight for an additional day each day.  She fought not only for herself, but her daughter and for her husband, who have been iron pillars for her throughout.  

Somehow, Sowmya never got to meet my daughter, Jennifer.  We have been planning on and off for long to make this meeting happen.  Finally, when she told me that she was deteriorating, I made a promise: I would bring Jennifer to her home before Jenny's first birthday (30th October). One weekend, I tried; Sowmya had to go for a check-up and so it didn't happen.  After that, I got busy doing this and that for the birthday and I kept postponing.  October 30th came.  Jennifer turned one year old.  We had a nice party.  I sent Sowmya a card, knowing she would not be able to come.  October 31st, Sowmya passed away.

This is what I am writing about.  I am not able to express what I am feeling right now for having missed my chance in keeping a promise.  It was a simple thing to do.  I had ample of time.  I had plenty of opportunities.  And I really wanted to do this.  But by postponing, I lost my chance forever.  I will not get a 2nd chance.  I will not get to apologise.  I will not be able to make up.  The time has come and gone.  

Since yesterday, I have been thinking on these lines: promises....Why do we make them?  Why do we give them?  Do we have to make empty promises?  Do we have to actually tell people this and that, when it would be much better to leave things unsaid, but still act upon it?  Do I have to tell my friends that they can count on me?  Isn't it my ego that makes me say this aloud?  Wouldn't it be the same if I never said it but would still be there for my friends when they needed me?  Are vocal promises only expressions meant to show myself in a better light in front of others, to show them that there is nothing I wouldn't do for them?  I wonder...

I just hope that this has taught me a lesson.  I hope that my words will henceforth mean more than they have till now.  I hope that I will never make promises again unless I mean to hold true to them.  I hope that I will never let a friend down again.

This first blog entry is dedicated to Sowmya.  May her soul rest in peace.

Sowmya (1977 - 2010)